Any DJ that has played a public venue since 1998 has heard and knows every "suggestion" on this list all too well. This sign is genius, and should be mass-produced and posted next to every DJ booth in the world. In case the text in the photo is too small for your prescription to fathom, here's what you're missing:
THINGS TO NEVER ASK A DJ
- PLAY SOMETHING GOOD... SOMETHING WE CAN DANCE TO
- WOULD YOU PLAY SOMETHING WITH A "BEAT"
- I DON'T KNOW WHO SINGS IT, AND I DON'T KNOW THE NAME OF THE SONG, BUT IT GOES LIKE THIS...
- EVERYBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT!
- EVERYBODY WILL DANCE IF YOU PLAY IT!
- I CAN GET LAID IF YOU PLAY IT!
- I WANT TO HEAR IT NEXT!
- WHAT DO YOU HAVE?
- THEY STILL MAKE VINYL???
- HEY TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY, WILL YOU PLAY THIS _________
- PLAY IT SOON, BECAUSE WE'RE LEAVING!
...And now, a news flash for the general public:
A DJ is not a walking iPod. A DJ is not a radio or video station that is contracted by record labels to play the same 20 songs all day. A DJ is not a subsidiary or partner company of Clear Channel or any of its affiliates. A DJ is a song selector; therefore, is not only hired for his technical skill, but also for his expertise in song selection. Venues that want their customers to have control of the music don't hire DJ's, they install jukeboxes. Do you go to a theater production and tell the actors how you want them to deliver their lines? Do you go out to eat and walk into the kitchen to tell the chef how to make your side dishes? Do you go in for surgery and tell the doctor how to perform your kidney transplant? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you need to realize and accept the fact that the world doesn't revolve around you and your spoiled-brat-"I want it how I want it and I want it now"-attitude.
Typically, a DJ is hired based on the style of music he plays and the general genre format he follows, which is why venues have "themed" nights. If you don't like the music or the DJ's theme, it's simple - LEAVE and go to another spot! If you're requesting songs that you can hear in regular rotation every hour on the radio, here's an even better idea: save your money and go sit in the car with the stereo on. In short, shut the fuck up, and let the DJ do the job that he's hired to do, which is to select and play music.
In the spirit of this entry, we have to post this song for the DJ's (click to download)...
"Club Etiquette (HoodMix)"
Written and produced by Anacron for Manoemusicc
Appears on the Anacron album, "atypicalcd", copyright 2008
(available on Amazon.com and iTunes USA, UK, and Japan)
DJ's: If you didn't get this Anacron single when it was released last spring, click the link above to download it for free. The next time someone approaches you with any of the inquiries from the list posted above, kindly send them on their way and drop this track as a special dedication - the first verse says it all: "I'm the DJ, bitch... and I know what I'm doin'!"